From the life of real-life stock-market con artist Jordan Belfort, this three-hour bacchanal is less morality play than anestheticized spectacle, a dizziness-inducing, sidesplitting, and eventually unnerving analysis of the breast of unrestrained American capitalism. It's a coke-fueled tour-de-force of frantic energy, a roller-coaster of a picture that challenges you to a side-glance at the excesses—while challenging you to question where the line between satire and adoration actually is.

Seriously, who else but Martin Scorsese would take a three-hour dive into the depths of the lowest, coke-infested, morals-free sewer and make it the most exhilarating experience of your life. The guy's a menace. A genius menace.

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• Title: The Wolf of Wall Street
• Director: The GOAT, Marty Scorsese
• All-Star Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio (at last), Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, and a genuine troupe of degenerates.
• Genre: Black comedy, crime, biopic. it's a circus of debauchery.
• Running Time: 180 minutes.
• Release Date: Christmas Day 2013. The wildest Christmas present ever given.
• Rating: R

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Alright, alright, what's the issue? This is not some fable of morality. This is not a warning tale. This is f***ing a celebration. And that is the point.

The premise is straightforward: A poor Queens kid named Jordan Belfort sets his sights on becoming rich. He gets a job on Wall Street, gets his spirit crushed, and then redirected himself as the penny stock king. His biggest issue? He ain't got nothin'. No money. No drugs. No hookers. No, like, soul.

So he creates his own circus, Stratton Oakmont, and fills it with every college bro who ever fantasized about snorting coke off a stripper's ass and making it to millionaire status by yelling into a phone. They peddle crap to idiots and get wealthy beyond their wildest imagination in doing so. The issue is not the law. The tragedy is that there are always not enough yachts, never enough Quaaludes, never enough straight, uncut adrenaline to fill the space where his conscience would be otherwise.

Wait a second, the movie's not a robbery or a heist. It's about a man who discovers that the whole American system is a con and he just happens to be superior to the guys in the suits. It's about the raw, unadulterated fun of being bad.

My Take

My god. I had been fuelled with adrenaline for three hours straight when I stepped out of the theatre, I felt revulsion and envy. It is a dizzy, intoxicating sensation.

Ugh, how do you explain it. The entire ride is like you are strapped to a rocket sled aimed at the sun, and the entire voyage is djed to a hellish D.J. playing 80s anthems. You don't watch the movie; the movie happens to you.

Scorsese uses every trick in the book—fourth-wall breaks, whip-smart edits, slow-motion debauchery—not to tell a story, but to replicate a feeling. The feeling of infinite power. The feeling of being invincible. The feeling of your brain short-circuiting from too much money, too much power, too much everything. You’re not an observer; you’re a participant in this glorious, disgusting orgy of greed.

And the pace, man. It never. Lets. Up. It's an assault on the senses. A gorgeous, horrific, unstoppable mess of feeling.

Shout-Outs

And now it's time to talk about the best. The best worth paying money for in this sick freakshow.

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is Unhinged. Let go of Jack Dawson. Let go of Gatsby. This is Leo going full-on feral, his most dedicated, his most plain-out brilliant. He's a loose cannon. The stumble to his car on Quaaludes is not acting; it's a masterclass in physical comedy. He barks, lectures, sweats, and sobs. He makes this monstrous, reptilian pile of human garbage somehow. lovable. You're rooting for him while judging yourself for it. It's a performance for the ages, and you can see more of his amazing transformations in our Leonardo DiCaprio performance deep dive.

2. Jonah Hill is a National Treasure. As Donnie Azoff, Hill is a revelation. The veneers. The swagger. The sheer, unadulterated idiocy. He’s the perfect id to Jordan’s ego. Their chemistry is so potent it should be illegal. The way he delivers lines like “I’m not leaving! I’m not f***ing leaving!” is etched into my brain forever. He’s hilarious, pathetic, and terrifying all at once.

3. The Fourth Wall Breaks Down. OMG, the way Leo just talks to us. It's brilliant. He gets you drawn in on his arrogance, makes you a co-conspirator. He outlines the negatives with a wink, justifying the insanity, and you're sitting there nodding your head like, "Yeah, yeah, selling garbage stock is completely sane." It's a straight shot to the audience's complicity. We're all in on the joke, until we get it and realize the joke's on us.

4. It's One of the Funniest Movies Ever Made. And the sickest thing? It's a f***ing joke. The jokes are black, absurd, and merciless. The boardroom scenes are utter pandemonium. The cocaine-induced messing up is right out of a Looney Tunes cartoon, if Bugs Bunny were a finance bro on cocaine. I was laughing so hard my stomach ached, which is an odd sensation when people are committing felonies on screen.

The Niggles

Nothin's perfect, though. Gotta be real.

1. The Women, Though. This is a biggie. The film is an extreme-masculine fantasy, and the women are, with virtual exception, props. Sex toys to be used, beautiful accessories to be shown off, or harpy wives who just don't get the vision. Margot Robbie playing Naomi is a spitfire, all fire and brimstone, and she gets to have some scenes to strut her stuff in, but even she's stuck in this script that sees her as very much the prize. It's the movie's biggest, most egregious blind spot.

2. The Glorification Debate. Wait, let's chat. Does the movie glamorize this lifestyle? Abso-f***ing-lutely. And that's the whole point! But man, does it ever really condemn it? The "consequences" are a slap on the wrist. The payoff isn't Jordan Belfort broke and alone; it's him as a motivational speaker, still the life of the party. The message isn't "crime doesn't pay." It's "crime pays until it doesn't, and then you write a book about it." It's a complex, morally nuanced tightrope walking, and some think Scorsese does it for sure on the wrong side. To see a closer examination of how Scorsese makes these iconic moments, read our article on Martin Scorsese's filmmaking tricks.

3. It's Glorious, but Overwhelming. I'm not being dramatic, three hours of this is A LOT. The screaming never lets up, the partying never lets up, the sensory overload… it can be actually exhausting. It's being at a rave you can't escape. You're so drunk at the end. It's to the credit of the filmmaking, but also an honest criticism. You need a nap and a moral shower after this thing.

4. The… Ugh, The Dwarf-Tossing. Yeah. There is one particular scene where they throw this little guy around as a joke. It's done for a joke. It's tacky. It's the sort of lowbrow, sadistic sense of humor that stands in contrast to the rest of the film's sharp, biting sarcasm. It's an obnoxious note in an opera of anarchy.

Verdict

So, after all that. what's the score?

I'm grading this 9.5/10. It's a fractured, gruesome, undeniable work of raw film.

Is it for everyone? ABSOLUTELY F***ING NOT. Seriously, no.

You'll enjoy this if: you've got a steel stomach, a warped sense of humor, a respect for the art of filmmaking at its most brazen, and you're willing to have your moral compass turned in circles. It's a film that takes you by the throat and doesn't let go.

Stay away from this product like the plague if: you're sensitive, you want a straightforward moral message, you dislike gratuitous levels of profanity/nudity/drug use, or you want a laid-back, inspirational evening. This will blow your entire damn week.

Last thought? The Wolf of Wall Street is a monster truck movie. It's loud, obnoxious, horrible for the environment, and makes a big mess wherever it goes. But the ride is so damn thrilling, so flawlessly technical in its execution, that you can't help but get to your feet and applaud even as it overwhelms your sense of decorum. Now, if you'll permit me, I'm going to go call my broker. Just kidding. I'm going to go learn about mutual funds. Seriously.

References

1. Rotten Tomatoes. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013). Retrieved from https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_wolf_of_wall_street
2. Wikipedia. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013 film). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wolf_of_Wall_Street_(2013_film)
3. RogerEbert.com. The Wolf of Wall Street movie review & film summary (2013). Retrieved from https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-wolf-of-wall-street-2013
4. The Guardian. The Wolf of Wall Street review – a bacchanal of bad taste. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/jan/16/the-wolf-of-wall-street-review
5. Rolling Stone. The Wolf of Wall Street Review. Retrieved from https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/the-wolf-of-wall-street-2463/
6. IMDb. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013). Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0993846/
7. The New York Times. Stocks and Bondage. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/25/movies/the-wolf-of-wall-street-with-di-caprio-and-scorsese.html
8. Vox. The Wolf of Wall Street is a masterpiece of American hypocrisy. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/2014/1/3/5823324/wolf-of-wall-street-review-scorsese
9. The Atlantic. 'The Wolf of Wall Street' Is a Masterpiece. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/12/-em-the-wolf-of-wall-street-em-is-a-masterpiece/282663/
10. Britannica. The Wolf of Wall Street. Retrieved from https://www.britannica.com/topic/The-Wolf-of-Wall-Street-film-by-Scorsese